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I went to a wrestling house show in Calhoun (yes--fucking CALHOUN, of all places). Me and cousins Stud and Shooter got front-row tickets for $12. I can't remember a damn one of their names (and truth be told, I couldn't UNDERSTAND them).
There was some latino-looking guy who fought a guy who looked like the son of Sid Vicious--great match. Had some great spots for high-risk moves and stuff like that. Me and the cousins were in charge of getting the crowd pumped for the face and booing the heel (y'know, clapping and stomping your feet--funny stuff).
There was a total shit match with this fat bald guy who basically had a George the Animal Steele/Mad Dog Vachon gimmick. Can't remember who he fought; all I remember is Stud bitching about how much it sucked. Ten minutes of horror. Then he did some Hogan poses with kids...who he later molested, no doubt.
Our OTHER cousin wrestles with them--THE INTIMIDATOR. I made a sign that said "Intimudatur Sux", and we booed the hell out of him. He insulted me, saying "that's not how you spell sucks!" (apparently that's how you spell Intimidator...). He worked stiff on some jobber just like his last match, and he got his manager (Brooklyn Bobby--he's like the ultimate heel manager or something) to bring out another wrestler. Then some music cues up, and some biker-looking guy in chaps comes out and gets like three punches in and the Intimidator high-tails it out of the ring.
There was a (awful) women's match. The winner got a shot at the champ, Lady Vendetta. Brooklyn Bobby came out again with some chunky woman, and fought a girl who looked like she came from a welfare family. Again, more bitching from Stud about how much it sucked. Something about brass knuckles, and Brooklyn's woman won--and he kissed her forehead.
The champion, some big black guy called T-Bolt (or T-Bone, or something like that)fought ANOTHER Brooklyn Bobby guy called....THE SUPER DESTROYER (some fat guy dressed in black with your basic wrestling mask). He lipsynched some juke-jiving music, and got kids to dance with him. He posed for me so I could take a picture. More Stud whining, except this time I did as well. Brooklyn Bobby hurt my feelings--I was rubbing my nose, and he came up to me and said I looked better with my face covered (CLASSIC HEEL!). They took their fight to the outside in front of us, where I kept screaming "GIVE ME A KODAK MOMENT!!!" (never got one). :( T-whatever won, and Super Destroyah threw a Christian-style tantrum in the ring.
The next match had quite possibly the funniest moment in the night in it--the heels in the match went by the name of.....THE STREET WALKERS (I shit you not). Stud pointed out that "that's not the right kind of name to have, because that, sir, is what you call a prostitute". One of the guys, he looked like a redneck Nascar fan with a mullet and a long jacket, said something and did a Ted DiBiase-quality laugh combined with a Brian Christopher pose--I hope to God I got a picture of that 'cause I laughed my ass off. Then I was like "holy shit", because once that guy got in the ring--he was total Hardcore Holly. HARD knife-edge chops (WOO! chants supplied by me and the cos's). Dude was just plain mean in there. One of their opponents was some kid in a camoflaged Pantera t-shirt who just came running out and was slapping hands with the fans before I knew what had happened. The Street Walkers won.
The last match was good too. Some guy who looks like he'd be a squirrel-like cop in neon tights was scheduled to face some guy who wears a kilt (dude's got a hot wife who wears a mini-skirt--Stud was waiting for her all night)--couldn't make it because of an "injury", and Stud was pissed off big time. This guy faced somebody who was announced as "the #1 contender in the (somewhere)-Atlantic division"--he had the head of someone else I know from somewhere, and the body of Goldberg. I've gotta say, the cop-heel guy was willing to take some serious bumps. He was the only guy I seen who actually got knocked out of the ring to the floor (no padding on the floor, BTW). He had some good ring psychology, because if the face-guy would get too much momentum built up he'd roll out of the ring. He also would focus on one part of the guy's body and applied some submission holds. He won the match by putting his feet on the ropes--and I got a picture of it. I screamed how I had proof, but no one but Stud and Shooter listened.
I had more fun at this one than the one I went to last month, and I'm hoping I get to go to the one at the end of the month. However I think they're kinda expensive for $12 tickets; but then again I've got some relation there, so it's fun to watch him get his ass kicked.
There was some latino-looking guy who fought a guy who looked like the son of Sid Vicious--great match. Had some great spots for high-risk moves and stuff like that. Me and the cousins were in charge of getting the crowd pumped for the face and booing the heel (y'know, clapping and stomping your feet--funny stuff).
There was a total shit match with this fat bald guy who basically had a George the Animal Steele/Mad Dog Vachon gimmick. Can't remember who he fought; all I remember is Stud bitching about how much it sucked. Ten minutes of horror. Then he did some Hogan poses with kids...who he later molested, no doubt.
Our OTHER cousin wrestles with them--THE INTIMIDATOR. I made a sign that said "Intimudatur Sux", and we booed the hell out of him. He insulted me, saying "that's not how you spell sucks!" (apparently that's how you spell Intimidator...). He worked stiff on some jobber just like his last match, and he got his manager (Brooklyn Bobby--he's like the ultimate heel manager or something) to bring out another wrestler. Then some music cues up, and some biker-looking guy in chaps comes out and gets like three punches in and the Intimidator high-tails it out of the ring.
There was a (awful) women's match. The winner got a shot at the champ, Lady Vendetta. Brooklyn Bobby came out again with some chunky woman, and fought a girl who looked like she came from a welfare family. Again, more bitching from Stud about how much it sucked. Something about brass knuckles, and Brooklyn's woman won--and he kissed her forehead.
The champion, some big black guy called T-Bolt (or T-Bone, or something like that)fought ANOTHER Brooklyn Bobby guy called....THE SUPER DESTROYER (some fat guy dressed in black with your basic wrestling mask). He lipsynched some juke-jiving music, and got kids to dance with him. He posed for me so I could take a picture. More Stud whining, except this time I did as well. Brooklyn Bobby hurt my feelings--I was rubbing my nose, and he came up to me and said I looked better with my face covered (CLASSIC HEEL!). They took their fight to the outside in front of us, where I kept screaming "GIVE ME A KODAK MOMENT!!!" (never got one). :( T-whatever won, and Super Destroyah threw a Christian-style tantrum in the ring.
The next match had quite possibly the funniest moment in the night in it--the heels in the match went by the name of.....THE STREET WALKERS (I shit you not). Stud pointed out that "that's not the right kind of name to have, because that, sir, is what you call a prostitute". One of the guys, he looked like a redneck Nascar fan with a mullet and a long jacket, said something and did a Ted DiBiase-quality laugh combined with a Brian Christopher pose--I hope to God I got a picture of that 'cause I laughed my ass off. Then I was like "holy shit", because once that guy got in the ring--he was total Hardcore Holly. HARD knife-edge chops (WOO! chants supplied by me and the cos's). Dude was just plain mean in there. One of their opponents was some kid in a camoflaged Pantera t-shirt who just came running out and was slapping hands with the fans before I knew what had happened. The Street Walkers won.
The last match was good too. Some guy who looks like he'd be a squirrel-like cop in neon tights was scheduled to face some guy who wears a kilt (dude's got a hot wife who wears a mini-skirt--Stud was waiting for her all night)--couldn't make it because of an "injury", and Stud was pissed off big time. This guy faced somebody who was announced as "the #1 contender in the (somewhere)-Atlantic division"--he had the head of someone else I know from somewhere, and the body of Goldberg. I've gotta say, the cop-heel guy was willing to take some serious bumps. He was the only guy I seen who actually got knocked out of the ring to the floor (no padding on the floor, BTW). He had some good ring psychology, because if the face-guy would get too much momentum built up he'd roll out of the ring. He also would focus on one part of the guy's body and applied some submission holds. He won the match by putting his feet on the ropes--and I got a picture of it. I screamed how I had proof, but no one but Stud and Shooter listened.
I had more fun at this one than the one I went to last month, and I'm hoping I get to go to the one at the end of the month. However I think they're kinda expensive for $12 tickets; but then again I've got some relation there, so it's fun to watch him get his ass kicked.
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